A little levity...Why Teachers Drink!

This is today’s post from my daily coffeewithbob.blogspot.ca blog. I hope you enjoy it!

G'day to you. How are you faring? I trust you are fit as a fiddle. Pour yourself an icepresso and snag a virtual doughnut or muffin while you're over there by the coffeepot. Okay, granted that I occasionally take liberties with the language, inventing words such as 'icepresso' and 'caffo' on the fly (so to speak) but, as an English teacher, I am constantly bemused though more often than not disappointed in the state of the language as it is spoken on TV by supposedly educated reporters, newscasters and guests on various shows. Well if the following is how kids are being taught English, I would have to blame the teachers. 

The following questions were set in a GED examination . These are (supposedly) genuine answers (from 16 year olds – ‘selected’)

Q. Name the four seasons
A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q. How is dew formed.
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A.. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A.. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs ..
(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q... What happens to your body as you age
A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A.. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
(So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A.. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination
A... When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A.. Keep it in the cow.
(Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A.. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.  The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U(wtf!)                                               

Q. What is the fibula?
A.. A small lie.

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A.. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control 
A.. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
(That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A.. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A.. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A.. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
(brilliant) .

Q. What is a turbine?
A.. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.

Okay...well, I have seen the last one as a joke on a couple of occasions, but what can I say?

Anyone care to comment? Did you notice the lack of question marks following many of the above questions?

See ya, eh!

Bob 

PS: English is not the only subject to suffer. Consider these responses to questions in physics, history, geography, religious studies and math. 

Is there hope for the human race? One has to wonder, eh! Teachers...we need your help in the worst way!

Wow! 368 NEW teaching jobs worldwide!

This Week's Worldwide Jobs – May 4, 2015:

Austria 1, Azerbaijan 1, Bahrain 1, Belgium 1, Brazil 1, Cambodia 2, China 100+, Colombia 2, Czech Republic 9, Dominican Republic 3, East Timor 1, Ecuador 1, France 38, Germany 12, Honduras 3, Hong Kong 8, Indonesia 14, Iran 1, Ireland 1, Italy 26, Japan 9, Kazakhstan 5, Kuwait 5, Laos 4, Lebanon 1, Libyan Arab Jamahiriya 1, Malaysia 1, Malta 1, Mexico 1, Mongolia 1, Oman 4, Poland 5, Portugal 4, Romania 3, Russian Federation 20, Saudi Arabia 30, Serbia 1, Singapore 4, Slovakia 4, South Korea 16, Spain 22.

WOW! 368 new teaching jobs posted this week! That means 368 new opportunities to travel, teach, meet new people, see a new country, explore, sight see, learn! What are you waiting for.

Teaching not for you but you know one or more people who may be interested? 

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Learn more here: http://www.teachesl.org/affiliate.html

10 Tips for Leading a Classroom Discussion

Leading classroom discussions can be a challenge in the ESL EFL classes. On the one hand, students need to practice conversation skills, and are motivated to discuss a wide range of topics. On the other hand, students are often shy about expressing their opinions for a number of reasons, or may not really have all that much to say about the topic of discussion. This presents quite the challenge to teachers, and, unfortunately, it can lead to classroom discussions turning into a teacher centered lecture.

These ten tips will help you lead classroom discussions that engage your students, and ensure students contribute to the conversation.

1. Know Your Students

Make sure to take time to conduct a student needs analysis at the beginning of your class term. This will help you choose interesting topics for conversation in the future. A great way of doing this is to create a questionnaire.

2. Don't Hesitate to Drop a Topic

If your students aren't interested in the topic at hand, don't hesitate to opt for another topic. If you've got a set curriculum, turn the discussion towards why students aren't interested before moving on. In this way, you'll at least cover some of the vocabulary related to the topic.

3. Pick up the Slack

While teachers shouldn't necessarily be the center of the discussion, they will, from time to time, need to step into and keep the conversation moving forward. The lower the level, the more necessary this will be. Don't be afraid to step in and speak about your own experience and give your own own opinion.

I find students enjoy hearing my opinion, yet I strive to make sure that my own contributions don't overtake the conversation.

4. Become an Equal

At times it's easy to fall into the "expert" role, and that can turn into a teacher knowing "everything" - which we all know is not the truth. It's important as a teacher to share experiences as one of the team. This is especially true in an adult ESL / EFL class. You'll teach people with a wide range of experiences that YOU can learn from. Let your students teach you, listen intently not only to how they are using English, but also to WHAT they are saying.

5. Listening Closely

Listen closely, ask intelligent questions, dig into your students' points of view. This gives students an incredible boost in confidence when they see that they are able to express their ideas so well in English.

6. Help Students Take on Different Characters

Sometimes students are hesitant to speak because they fell they'd rather not discuss personal opinions in class. In this case, it's important to reassure students that they don't necessarily need to tell the truth during class. After all, students are in class in order to improve their English. Encourage students to take on another persona, and to express those opinions. I've found that using this technique really helps some students become an active participant in the conversation, as they don't have to worry about expressing what they truly believe.

7. Discourage Yes / No Questions

Students often tend to fall into asking simple yes / no questions rather than information questions. Encourage students to always ask "why", as well as other information questions with "where", "when", "what" etc.

8. Don't Answer Every Question

Students tend to ask the teacher questions. Call on other students to answer questions directed towards the teacher. Let other students become the topical experts and you'll soon find yourself listening and participating in the conversation, rather than asking each question and directing the conversational flow.

9. Make Mistakes on Purpose

In order to ensure that students actively listen to, as well as contribute in discussions, make it clear that you'll make a few mistakes along the way. Challenge students to call you out on your mistakes. This can be especially helpful with students who tend to be distracted. The chance to call out the teacher is much too tempting for many to pass up!

10. Don't Correct Mistakes During the Discussion

There are many approaches to correction. However, as a rule of thumb, I find it's best to not correct mistakes during the flow of conversation. Instead, I like to take short notes on commonly made mistakes during the conversation. At the end of the discussion, I give feedback on mistakes I've heard a number of students make, rather than focusing on individual mistakes. As many students crave correction, it's a good idea to let students know that you'll provide feedback on mistakes AFTER the discussion has finished.

SOURCE: 

By Kenneth Beare

English as 2nd Language Expert

http://esl.about.com

New Worldwide Teaching Jobs as of April 27, 2015

New Worldwide Teaching Jobs as of April 27, 2015:

Azerbaijan 3, Bahrain 1, Belgium 1, Brazil 1, Cambodia 2, China 100+, Colombia 3, Czech Republic 11, Dominican Republic 3, East Timor 1, Ecuador 1, France 35, Germany 10, Honduras 3, Hong Kong 8, Indonesia 13, Iran 1, Italy 25, Japan 10, Jordan 1, Kazakhstan 4, Kuwait 4, Laos 3, Libyan Arab Jamahiriya 2, Malaysia 1, Malta 1, Mexico 2, Netherlands 1, Oman 3, Poland 3, Portugal 4, Romania 3, Russian Federation 25+, Saudi Arabia 29, Singapore 2, Slovakia 4, South Korea 8, Spain 21.

That is another 342 new teaching positions on offer this week around the world! 342 opportunities waiting for enthusiastic, personable people with a good command of the English language. 

What are you waiting for? See a new country! Learn a new language! Help hundreds of students learn t communicate in English! 

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